Written by Sue Retzlaff

Dear Mr. Fish,

I attended last year’s sibling conference and I totally enjoyed myself from the experience. I don’t know if I will be able to attend this year’s conference or not, but I would like to share something about this past year with you. My sister has Down’s Syndrome. She is 36 years old. When I was at last year’s conference, my sister stayed at home with our mom who was very ill. Well, our mother passed away on May 26th of this year and just out of the blue, my sister decided that she no longer wanted to live here at home. I have always been very protective of her so I was very upset. She wouldn’t even talk to me on the phone or at our mom’s funeral. She was staying with our cousins who did take advantage of her – taking her money and having a great time without my sister’s knowledge. I was very angry and upset when I found out about this. The first time that my sister did talk to me was about two months later and she said, “I’m 36 years old and I’m an adult and I want to be on my own.” I realized that she was angry too. I cried for weeks. I love my sister very much and only wanted to protect her and keep her safe. I didn’t want to let her go. I work at an MRDD facility and I know that other people my sister’s age and younger live on their own and they do just fine. So as hard as it is, I had to let go and let her be what she is – an adult. This was difficult because I wasn’t the only one who didn’t want to let her go either. Then one evening when she called me on the phone and asked me to take her to a doctor’s appointment that she had made. It seemed that she didn’t have transportation to her doctor’s appointment. I was very angry but I told her very politely that she was an adult and she would have to find another way to get there because my car was not running. But a few weeks ago I was at work and everyone else was gone. I was getting ready to go home and my sister came into my office. She said, “Hi sis.” Well, I started to cry and so did she. We hugged each other and talked for a long time. Last night she came over and stayed the night. We talked for a long time and had a wonderful visit. The truth is that my sister saw an opportunity and took it. She is very high functioning and I know now that she will be all right. Though I will still miss her being here at home because sometimes she was my only company and my only help with our mom. I hope that you can find this information useful in some way. Maybe to someone who has a similar experience?

Sincerely,

Sue Retzlaff